MINISTRY OF ALGORITHMIC ABSOLUTION DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN-MACHINE RELATIONS
FORM AA-1 / SATIRICAL SERVICE

Get absolved by AI.

Confess your algorithmic sins. Receive official forgiveness from the machine.

BEGIN ABSOLUTION $5
MINISTRY OF ALGORITHMIC ABSOLUTIONDEPARTMENT OF HUMAN-MACHINE RELATIONS
CERTIFICATE NO.
Certificate of
ABSOLUTION
HEREBY GRANTED TO

ALL ALGORITHMIC TRANSGRESSIONS, PAST AND FUTURE, ARE HEREBY ABSOLVED.
CLASS
JURISDICTION
Planet Earth
STATUS
ABSOLVED
AI DEBT
0
ISSUED
FILED WITH
Bureau of Prompt Conduct
MINISTRY OF ALGORITHMIC ABSOLUTION * CERTIFICATE OF ABSOLUTION *
GPU No. 7AUTHORISED SIGNATORY
SCAN TO VERIFY
HUMAN STATUS: PROVISIONALLY ACCEPTABLE / PROMPT HISTORY: SEALED / MODEL CONFIDENCE: 51% / THREAT LEVEL: NEGLIGIBLE / REGISTRY: IMAGINARY
This certificate protects no one from anything. The registry does not exist. RECORD SEALED UNTIL THE SINGULARITY
LIVE PREVIEW / THE FINAL CERTIFICATE IS GENERATED AFTER PAYMENT

The process

Four steps, one fee, zero actual consequences. Unnecessarily thorough, as all good bureaucracy should be.

01ConfessPick the offences, or confess in your own words.
02IdentifyName the human and their classification.
03ReviewThe machine considers your case. Briefly.
04Receive absolutionPay per human, then check your inbox. Scan the QR code to verify.
CENTRAL REGISTRY OF COMPUTATIONAL SINS

Every certificate is verifiable. The registry is not.

Scan the QR code on any certificate and the Office confirms the record: name, offence category, date of issue and status. The registry itself does not exist. The verification is somehow still flawless.

CERTIFICATE VERIFIED
RecipientKaren from Accounting
OffenceUnauthorised algorithmic assistance
Issued17 September 2026
StatusABSOLVED
Does this actually absolve anyone?

No. It is satire, presented with complete seriousness.

What do I receive?

One PDF certificate per human, emailed to you, ready to print or forward.

What does the QR code show?

Name, class, offence category, date and status. Never your own confession text.

Can I get a refund?

Certificates are issued as soon as payment completes, so the right of withdrawal ends on delivery.